Might-Have-Been Friend

I watched you in a crowd of some
Glib, shallow, overbearing --
You stood back a little bit and
Listened without sharing.
When you felt the time was right,
You spoke a few choice words
And left the crowd to think about
The wisdom they'd just heard.

Not out of line, not inappropriate
Your words were true and open
And said with love and kindness
From someone used to coping
With things not always happening
The way you might have wanted.
And I could tell your heart had struggled,
But had come through it undaunted.

Over the weeks and months I saw
As I would watch and hear you,
Someone who intrigued me –
I wanted to be near you.
To learn your secret formula for
Smiles through tears and rain,
And the peace and depth of character
That came from your quiet pain.

Our lives had separate blueprints
Our days spent differently.
We both had joy, we both had pain
And we both wanted to be
Better and better at what we did –
In the hours we filled each day
Improving things in our lives and homes
Though in distinctly different ways.

I tried to create some common ground
That would bring our lives together
So I could get to know your heart,
And I, myself could become better.
Your cheerful, constant looking up
And sharing with those around you
Was amazing to me, and I wanted to be
One of the few who surround you.

We spent some time, we shared some things
And I always wanted more
Of your time and your attention
When I would walk out your door.
I wanted to be the one you’d call
When you had a moment of fun,
Or a moment of tears or excitement
You wanted to share with someone.

I guess that friendship has to evolve
And maybe you can’t ‘create’ it
For over the years of trying,
I just never could quite make it.
We’d talk when we’d occasionally meet
Or laugh at the corner store
We’d share our kids’ latest escapades
Or ideas, or recipes, or more.

But the real connection that I sought
Would never come to be.
I’ve often wondered why that was?
…Maybe it was just me.
I’ve not been one to struggle
To find friends to fill my life
But this one just eludes me…
And it cuts me like a knife.

It’s not because it’s unusual,
Or “the one that got away….”
It’s more because I truly felt
A connection from that first day.
I really felt like we could be
The greatest of friends and allies
Through the good and bad that undoubtedly come
Into two women’s lives.

I wanted to learn, to absorb, and to grow
As I watched you from close proximity
And I even had the gall to think
You might learn something from me.
But though we are still acquaintances
And we smile and laugh…in the end
I will always wonder if there could have been more
With my elusive, might-have-been friend.

(written by: Me)